Funny Food Jokes#
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An im-pasta.
- Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: You strangle it.
- Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
A: Because they’re such fungis! (Fun guys, get it?)
- Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
- Q: Did you hear about the famous pickle?
A: He was a big dill!
- Q: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: No, you should just stick with turkey.
- Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
- Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeno business!
- Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?
A: To see butter-fly.
- Q: Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
A: He was stuffed.
- Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: A Lemon-aid.
- Q: Why do you smear peanut butter in the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam.
- Q: What do you call an attractive fruit?
A: A fine-apple.
- Q: What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
A: I’d be muffin without you.
- Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
Funny Science Jokes#
- Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?
A: They make up everything.
- Q: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
- Q: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
A: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
- Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
- Q: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty!
- Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
- Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
- Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree!
- Q: How many lips does a flower have?
A: Tu-lips.
- Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
- Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: It was two tired.
- Q: Where did the computer go dancing?
A: The Disc-o.
- Q: What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
A: “Oops!”
- Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
- Q: How did one tectonic plate apologize to the other?
A: “My fault.”
Clean Bathroom Humor#
- Q: What do you call a person who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
- Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
A: Because it’s full of fans!
- Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a boogie in it.
- Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
- Q: What did the tired toilet say to the plunger?
A: I’m flushed.
- Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: Because the sea weed.
- Q: Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom?
A: Because it’s also called a restroom!
- Q: What kind of dogs come from the bathroom?
A: Poodles.
- Q: What did the poop say to the fart?
A: Wow, you really blow me away!
- Q: Why didn’t you hear the dinosaur going to the bathroom?
A: With pterodactyls, the P is silent!
Funny Pun Jokes#
- Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
A: He was just going through a stage.
- Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: It was framed.
- Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because every play has a cast.
- Q: What’s worse than raining cats & dogs?
A: Hailing taxis.
- Q: What kind of chocolate do you find in airports?
A: Plain
- Q: What do you call an international traveler that always stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
- Q: Why was the librarian kicked off the plane?
A: Because it was overbooked.
Halloween Jokes#
- Q: Who did the zombie take to the dance?
A: His ghoul-friend
- Q: What do you call a rich elf?
A: Welfy.
- Q: What do ghosts like to drink the most?
A: Ghoul-ade!
- Q: What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?
A: Frost-bite!
- Q: How can you tell you’re in a vampire bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the donuts.
- Q: How do you talk to giants?
A: Use big words!
- Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
- Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
A: He didn’t have any guts.
- Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
- Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Their gnome work.
- Q: What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water.
- Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs?
A: Batman.
- Q: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
A: He got a little behind in his work.
- Q: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.
- Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep?
A: Because of his coffin!
- Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music.
- Q: What does a vampire take for a sore throat?
A: Coffin drops.
- Q: What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
A: “Robin, get in the car.”
- Q: What street do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends.
- Q: What is a witch’s favorite lesson at school?
A: Spelling.
Funny Geography Jokes#
- Q: What washes up on really small beaches?
A: Micro-waves.
- Q: What do you call an Australian boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
- Q: What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
A: Their crews were marooned.
- Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
- Q: What do you call the wife of a hippie?
A: A Mississippi.
- Q: What has 5 eyes and is lying on the water?
A: The Mississippi River
- Q: What is the smartest state?
A: Alabama. It has four As and one B.
- Q: What state makes the most pencils?
A: Pennsylvania.
- Q: Why is it easy to remember the capitol of Alaska?
A: Juneau this one.
- Q. How do geographers figure out who to marry?
A: They datum.
- Q. Why did the map always lose at poker?
A: It always folded.
- Q. Which is smarter: longitude or latitude?
A: Longitude, because it has 360 degrees?
- Q. What’s 90 degrees, but covered with ice?
A: The North and South Poles.
- Q. What rock group has four members but doesn’t make a sound?
A: Mt. Rushmore.
- Q. What’s the fastest country in the world?
A: Russia.
- Q. What’s the capital of Alaska?
A: Juneau?
A: I don’t — that’s why I asked you!
- Q. What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing — it just waved.
- I met a cartographer who was also a spider.
A: He made web-based maps.
- My friend is an expert reading maps.
A: He’s a legend.
- Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- My friend has been scribbling something on his boat for hours.
A: I’m sure he’s plotting something.
- Q: Did you hear about the population of Ireland?
A: It’s Dublin.
Funny Animal Jokes#
- Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
- Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
- What did the duck say after she bought the lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill.
- Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
- Q: What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?
A: A bagel.
- Q: What do you call a magic dog?
A: A Labracadabrador.
- Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet?
- Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Cancel its credit card.
- Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
A: A meow-tain.
- Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.
- Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
- Q: What do sharks say when something cool happens?
A: Jawesome!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fsh.
- Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?
A: It’s much easier than walking!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fssshh.
- Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.
- Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.
- Q: Where do sharks go on vacation?
A: Fin-land. - Q: What is a chicken’s least favorite day?
A: Fry-day.
- Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don’t like fast food.
- Q: How do bees get to school?
A: By school buzz.
- Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you?
A: Act like a nut.
- Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff
- Q: What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxis!
- Q: Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
A: Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
- Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon
- Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
- Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they use a honeycomb.
- Q: What do you call an alligator with a vest?
A: An investigator.
- Q: What happened when the skunk was on trial?
A: The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”
